Secret Hours

It has taken me an unacceptable amount of time to find my way back here.

So much has happened in the past few weeks: Dance Marathon, birthday celebrations, finals... remind me to come back soon and write about those.

But for now, I want to talk about a movie I just finished watchi-- experiencing. Before Sunrise.

Summary: Essentially a guy from America and a girl from France meet by chance and have the greatest, most heartfelt conversations in the few hours they have together. Yet, it's so much more.

This movie made me a part of it from start to finish. Maybe it was because they were in Vienna, my favorite city in this world, or maybe it's because the conversations that the two main characters have are the ones that I have in my own mind and heart whenever I have the chance to stop and breathe for a moment.

If there is any magic in the world, it's that between two people talking, listening, and truly trying to understand one another. It's sharing pieces of ourselves and joining two fractured pieces of the universal soul even if it's only for one night. Actually, I change my mind. The best part is that even if you only have a few honest moments with someone, you are still bound forever. We live in those moments caught between everyday life. Even if it is only for a few hours, if you can find someone with whom you can your history, dreams, philosophies, fears, and stories, they are a part of you. From that point on, the effect how you view who you are and who you will be. The biggest struggle is hanging onto that true self when we return to reality and are thrust back into surviving this life.

Life is such a blessing. I know that. Truly. And I understand that we have to do certain things to prepare us for a successful future. But the way the majority of the world is living... it can't be right. To me, it feels as though the present is tossed aside as some unworthy stepping stone. It's always do xyz to be better prepared tomorrow. tomorrow. TOMORROW. Always tomorrow.

But what about those moments caught in time where tomorrow doesn't yet exist? Those moments before sunrise where you sit with a friend on the beach, saying nothing but feeling everything? Those late nights out on the town when you feel young and the night feels as though it can last forever? Road tripping with childhood friends halfway across the country? Stargazing on an evening in a country that you visited on a wind with roommates of only a few weeks?

To me, these are the moments that have made me who I am. They are the times when I wasn't worried about getting enough hours of sleep so I can be prepared for class in the morning. Times when I realized, yes, this, this right here is my life and I am in the center of it.

I'm usually a morning person but I think my favorite time of the day is between 3 and 4 in the morning. At this time, everything is quiet and the world is all yours. Or, if your lucky, you get to share that time with someone. These are the hours when I've had my best late night conversations and have truly gotten to know people. The hours when deep thoughts and well-kept secrets find their way out. They are the hours on the clock that are most  neglected by human activity and I love them.

Anyway, it just feels good to write again and take the time to reflect on how precious those few special moments are. I just pray I appreciate them when they come.

Quotes:
"I believe if there's any kind of God, it wouldn't be in any of us, not you or me but just this little space in between. If there's any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to suceed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt."

"I like to feel his eyes on me when I look away."

"Isn't everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?"

"But what good is saved time if nobody uses it?"
Things I know are true about myself today:
-I have wanderlust. There's something about seeing the nooks and crannies of the world that I know will always appeal to me. I do dream of that precious love story where I meet someone on a train, fall in love, and only have one night together. After last summer, I worry about how many more chance I'll have to explore the world while in my youth.

-I feel like I can be the most myself, or at least my reflective self, during the neglected hours of the night. Maybe it's because no one's around to modify myself to please or maybe it's because my mind is too tired to hang on to it's inhibitions but, yeah. This feels true right now.