I am trying so hard. I'm trying so hard not to do or say anything that I don't mean when I'm around him. I'm trying to understand myself enough to be comfortable in the idea that there are people out there who will always love me. I'm trying to grasp the concept that, one of these days, I'm going to have to be myself and understand who that is.
I've become comfortable in silence but too much noise still renders me still and voiceless. I wonder, is it too late to feel like what I say has value? That I have value? No matter how many times I tell myself these things, they still don't stick.
I'm not being fair. To him, to myself, or to anyone. But then where should I go from here?
