Saturday, January 18, 2014
1/18/14
And... turn around!
My heart is so warm right now. 80's movie will do that to you. The music, the dancing, the raw teenage truth about life...
And today had even more joys.
- Met with Taimur to look at booking for hotels for Northwestern's first TEDx event (!!!!!) that I have been blessed enough to be a part of
-finished my CITI training for research methods so that I can work on a possible proposal for paid (!!!!) summer research & my psych class
-went to the gym & worked out harder than I have for a long time and felt great doing it
My heart is so warm right now. 80's movie will do that to you. The music, the dancing, the raw teenage truth about life...
And today had even more joys.
- Met with Taimur to look at booking for hotels for Northwestern's first TEDx event (!!!!!) that I have been blessed enough to be a part of
-finished my CITI training for research methods so that I can work on a possible proposal for paid (!!!!) summer research & my psych class
-went to the gym & worked out harder than I have for a long time and felt great doing it
-went to the NUCHR closing speaker with Neha
-crashed the delegate dinner, had some amazingly delicious vegetarian foor, and watched several of my friends be recognized for their hard work
-reconnected with Jared& other FUP friends
-reconnected with Jared& other FUP friends
-ran into Travis on the way back to my dorm with Neha and received the first amazing Travis hug of the year(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
->ok actually Travis hugs are worth a tangent. First let me tell you about Travis. He is this hilarious, caring, just-- REALLY a great guy. We met really early last year at Six Flags, by both just being goofs and running around. Since then, we've become closer despite the fact that we rarely get the chance to see one another. But he's just... good people, you know? And then there are his hugs! Whenever I see Travis, it's something out of a movie. He REALLY hugs you. And not the half hearted weak ones either. Travis picks you up, spins you around, and holds you a bit longer as though he never wants to let go. And I love him for it. I actually had a thing for him for quite a while last year. Alright that's enough.
-continued to walk with Travis& Neha back to their respective dorms
->ok actually Travis hugs are worth a tangent. First let me tell you about Travis. He is this hilarious, caring, just-- REALLY a great guy. We met really early last year at Six Flags, by both just being goofs and running around. Since then, we've become closer despite the fact that we rarely get the chance to see one another. But he's just... good people, you know? And then there are his hugs! Whenever I see Travis, it's something out of a movie. He REALLY hugs you. And not the half hearted weak ones either. Travis picks you up, spins you around, and holds you a bit longer as though he never wants to let go. And I love him for it. I actually had a thing for him for quite a while last year. Alright that's enough.
-continued to walk with Travis& Neha back to their respective dorms
-And last but not least: finished the Breakfast Club (!!!!!!!!)
SO. Pretty darn great day.
But going back to the movie:
The Breakfast Club.
The Breakfast Club is exactly what I love about 80's movies. It's not action packed, comedy stuffed, or romance driven. It's just life, as a lot of us know it, filmed in a fun yet matter of fact way. Watching this movie today took me back. All the way to CHS.
It's funny how such ridiculous stereotypes ring true in the hallways of a high school. I was actually luckier than most to have friends that didn't hold me or others to the status quo. Yes, at the time, I was a science nerd. But I also love learning about human rights so I joined MUN. I love being healthy and so I joined sports teams. I followed my heart and wrote poems& stories. We were nerds, clowns, athletes, activists, children, adults, but most of all ourselves. I think it took till senior year for that fact to really become evident to me. And everyone just accepted it. I was lucky. I am lucky. Luckier than most.
As lucky as I am, I know it was still there: The princess, brain, stoner, jock, basket-case& criminal. I can almost see a face in my own life for each of these ridiculous categories. But that's exactly way they are-- ridiculous. If you talk to someone, anyone, and give them a chance, you realize more quickly than a lot of us might realize that we are all just people. We each have our own pressures, our pasts, our hopes, our secrets.... but those things are what make us inherently human. No one fits into the boxes that we try to put them in. Not even the ones that we form for ourselves.
This is an idea that I've been struggling with. People always say that college is when they really find themselves. It's a time when people figure out what they want to be and what relationships and friendships will help them be that person. And while I agree that goals are a great thing to have and even necessary for growth, I can't help but ask myself, what exactly does that mean? What does it mean to "find yourself" or "figure out what kind of person you want to be"? I mean kind-of person? As though there are categories?
That way if thinking is so ingrained in each of us that we end up holding ourselves within so many parameters. Think of it as an open top box. Since top is missing, we can still see the light and stars above us and the path it takes to get there, we forget that we are still bound within four other walls. Even as we climb and get "closer" to the stars, the box grown with us. When we still have the mindset of a "kind" of person, we are still trapped, no matter how much we trick ourselves into believing we can climb out of the box entirely.
But there's hope.
As soon as we take a step back. What movies like The Breakfast Club remind us is that we are all everything. And nothing. We have parts to us that are entirely our own and parts that are universal. We have stories and mysteries. It is not a path that lies before us that we must follow but an open field in which we can choose any direction at all.
For my poetry class last quarter, I memorized the Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. As typical and unoriginal as that may be, I am so, so glad I did because now it's in my mind and my heart. It's something I can meditate on. And I have been. Here it goes from memory:
The Road Not Taken
SO. Pretty darn great day.
But going back to the movie:
The Breakfast Club.
The Breakfast Club is exactly what I love about 80's movies. It's not action packed, comedy stuffed, or romance driven. It's just life, as a lot of us know it, filmed in a fun yet matter of fact way. Watching this movie today took me back. All the way to CHS.
It's funny how such ridiculous stereotypes ring true in the hallways of a high school. I was actually luckier than most to have friends that didn't hold me or others to the status quo. Yes, at the time, I was a science nerd. But I also love learning about human rights so I joined MUN. I love being healthy and so I joined sports teams. I followed my heart and wrote poems& stories. We were nerds, clowns, athletes, activists, children, adults, but most of all ourselves. I think it took till senior year for that fact to really become evident to me. And everyone just accepted it. I was lucky. I am lucky. Luckier than most.
As lucky as I am, I know it was still there: The princess, brain, stoner, jock, basket-case& criminal. I can almost see a face in my own life for each of these ridiculous categories. But that's exactly way they are-- ridiculous. If you talk to someone, anyone, and give them a chance, you realize more quickly than a lot of us might realize that we are all just people. We each have our own pressures, our pasts, our hopes, our secrets.... but those things are what make us inherently human. No one fits into the boxes that we try to put them in. Not even the ones that we form for ourselves.
This is an idea that I've been struggling with. People always say that college is when they really find themselves. It's a time when people figure out what they want to be and what relationships and friendships will help them be that person. And while I agree that goals are a great thing to have and even necessary for growth, I can't help but ask myself, what exactly does that mean? What does it mean to "find yourself" or "figure out what kind of person you want to be"? I mean kind-of person? As though there are categories?
That way if thinking is so ingrained in each of us that we end up holding ourselves within so many parameters. Think of it as an open top box. Since top is missing, we can still see the light and stars above us and the path it takes to get there, we forget that we are still bound within four other walls. Even as we climb and get "closer" to the stars, the box grown with us. When we still have the mindset of a "kind" of person, we are still trapped, no matter how much we trick ourselves into believing we can climb out of the box entirely.
But there's hope.
As soon as we take a step back. What movies like The Breakfast Club remind us is that we are all everything. And nothing. We have parts to us that are entirely our own and parts that are universal. We have stories and mysteries. It is not a path that lies before us that we must follow but an open field in which we can choose any direction at all.
For my poetry class last quarter, I memorized the Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. As typical and unoriginal as that may be, I am so, so glad I did because now it's in my mind and my heart. It's something I can meditate on. And I have been. Here it goes from memory:
The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be once traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
And be once traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
And then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that the passing there
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no foot had trodden black
In leaves no foot had trodden black
Oh, I saved the first for another day
Yet, knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere, ages and ages hence,
Two roads diverged in a wood and I,
I took the one less travelled by.
And that has made all the difference.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere, ages and ages hence,
Two roads diverged in a wood and I,
I took the one less travelled by.
And that has made all the difference.
Was that close? Well basically my point is as follows: as great as that poem is for encouraging us all to follow a different path, I propose something more-- to follow our own. To create our own. To make turns and take steps that we are drawn to. To never fear dancing through the undergrowth because it may be more difficult. Who knows? Maybe you'll find some places that open up just for you.
It's up to us to write ourselves. Today is the 18th page of the book of 2014. It's up to us to break away from stereotypes and bridge gaps from ourselves to others and a better future. It all starts with a conversation.
Stay human. Stay you. And never apologize for doing what you do.
It's up to us to write ourselves. Today is the 18th page of the book of 2014. It's up to us to break away from stereotypes and bridge gaps from ourselves to others and a better future. It all starts with a conversation.
Stay human. Stay you. And never apologize for doing what you do.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
1/14/14
When do I write?
A few months ago, I made the decision to find better people to do life with. I wanted to grow. I still do. and I have. My friends at the time were not right for me and I felt as though we were going in very different directions. I still believe that this was a good choice. But something that I forgot to anticipate is what comes afterward. As someone who has never really had the experience of loneliness or having very few good friends around, I haven't learned what to do with myself. I've done the next step of meeting great people successfully and there are people on this campus who make me happy simply by existing so there is definitely an endless amount of smiling faces to say hi to around campus. The problem, as it currently stands, is in the core. My core. Of myself and those who I come home to.
I've noticed myself beginning to run from places. Though it is entirely of my own accord, I no longer feel welcome in the lounge, or at meals, or multitudes of conversations. I didn't anticipate that the people whom I am trying to distance myself from live on my floor and are literally always, always around. I didn't anticipate that those who I did want to remain friends with are still in that core and it becomes awkward to try to hang out with them individually. Instead I've overcommitted myself to clubs and classes which I truly love but at the end of the day, all of the friends that I've made in those situations go back to their own core. I just... I don't know what to do. I'm happy that I'm no longer where I was but for one of the rare times in my life, I really don't know what to do next.
I write when I'm confused. I write when I'm afraid. I write when I'm joyous and want to document the wonders of life. I write when in worried. But most of all, I write when I'm lost. And thats why I'm writing now.
Ever since I can remember, I have defined myself by my ability to love and relate to people. I love people. So much. Friends and family are almost as much a part of me as I am to myself. But things have changed and I've lost my footing.
Ever since I can remember, I have defined myself by my ability to love and relate to people. I love people. So much. Friends and family are almost as much a part of me as I am to myself. But things have changed and I've lost my footing.
A few months ago, I made the decision to find better people to do life with. I wanted to grow. I still do. and I have. My friends at the time were not right for me and I felt as though we were going in very different directions. I still believe that this was a good choice. But something that I forgot to anticipate is what comes afterward. As someone who has never really had the experience of loneliness or having very few good friends around, I haven't learned what to do with myself. I've done the next step of meeting great people successfully and there are people on this campus who make me happy simply by existing so there is definitely an endless amount of smiling faces to say hi to around campus. The problem, as it currently stands, is in the core. My core. Of myself and those who I come home to.
I've noticed myself beginning to run from places. Though it is entirely of my own accord, I no longer feel welcome in the lounge, or at meals, or multitudes of conversations. I didn't anticipate that the people whom I am trying to distance myself from live on my floor and are literally always, always around. I didn't anticipate that those who I did want to remain friends with are still in that core and it becomes awkward to try to hang out with them individually. Instead I've overcommitted myself to clubs and classes which I truly love but at the end of the day, all of the friends that I've made in those situations go back to their own core. I just... I don't know what to do. I'm happy that I'm no longer where I was but for one of the rare times in my life, I really don't know what to do next.
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